Someone Made This Up

and I just had to share... 



January 28, 2009

Dear World: We, the United States of America...



Dear World: We, the United States of America, your top quality supplier of the ideals of liberty and democracy, would like to apologize for our 2001-2009 interruption in service. The technical fault that led to this eight-year service outage has been located, and the software responsible was replaced January 20. Early tests of the newly installed program indicate that we are now operating correctly, and we expect it to be fully functional in the near future. We apologize for any inconvenience caused by the outage. We look forward to resuming full service and hope to improve in years to come. We thank you for your patience and understanding. Sincerely, THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

- Taken from An apology for our 2001-2008 interruption in service

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January 15, 2009

Aliens coming FRIDAY

URGENT WARNING...

Aliens are coming to Earth on FRIDAY and their mission is to abduct all good looking and sexy people.

You will be safe. I'm just writing you to say GOODBYE!

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January 2, 2009

#Happy09 Chatroom transcript (partial) #TCR

Sandy_W:I just signed up with Virtual Assistant Forusm. Thanks Deanna
deannatroupe:Also follow me @ http://www.twitter.com/deannatroupe  if you are a prospective VA. I'd love to mentor a new VA.
Guest5628:my display name is now Guest5632
CarltonZone:Amen Warren. Reciprocity is not something that should be rushed
remarkablogger:No dude that's the golden rule. Reciprocity is different.
CarltonZone:AMEN BROTHER!
Michele Price:i so do not understand how to copy this screen, tried a few things
MichealSavoie:Someone say scratch my back?
aranarose:Virtual Assistant Forums is an amazing resource.  Have learned so much.
CarltonZone:Quid-Pro-Quo is not necessary
deannatroupe:Great Sandy_W. I need to head over there. I haven't been over there in a while.
judyrey:I like the idea of a charity auction. Maybe we could hold one every month?
CarltonZone:YES! RANDOM ACTS of kindness
CarltonZone:Michele Price: Hehehe! I was just kidding!
Sandy_W:Me either. Can't get off of Twitter. LOL
CarltonZone:I'll send you a few hundred
suzhoutch:thanks Warren
jantallent:just double click to copy but chat is HUGE, will take a few minutes TO copy
Teri Dempski:Double click the white space in the screen, then paste into another program. That will copy screen.
SandraSchubert:I just heard that today from someone
CarltonZone:just follow me at www.twitter.com/carltonf  and DM me
tpompa1109:I have tons of pages up to look through
tpompa1109::-)
MichealSavoie:Random acts of love!
CarltonZone:Michele did you get that?
Potential Extractors:tweetbomb with kindness?
Donna Fox:Tag, you're it!  I officially tag you all for a 16-random things blog post! http://donnalfox.com/16-random-things
SmartWomanRadio:On purpose acts of love too!
CarltonZone:I'llhelp you get a few hundred more
JoselinMane:Give You Give You Give You ;-)
Daniel M. Clark:i feel so spiritual :P
Teresa Lydon:Very rewarding to be a Go-Giver!
freebieprincess:i feel the love
aranarose:I love that! tweetbomb with kindness
MarkRess:http://www.ressonomics.com  is ALL about just giving!! Free trainings via webinars for 2009 to help people BLOW UP 2009!
CarltonZone:Hi freebie! Love your tweets
ChicCookie:I would love to connect with those that know about Virtual Assistants, I'm looking into starting myself - hppt://www.twitter.com/chiccookie
SandraSchubert:I am still not caught up w. the follows from yeasterday
KarriannGraf:Carleton you are great
MichealSavoie:Random is still on purpose, just to whom
ClayFranklin:Great Show tonight Warren Thank You
CarltonZone:ChicCooke! HI!
Michael S. Copeland:WOW Sorry all, I've been away for a bit, wife and kids came home from Ice Skating
KarriannGraf:CArleton love your posts
silviamk:http://www.twitter.com/silviamk
Dr. Robb:Its all about sharing with others
allaboutenergy1:Remember everyone Align & Shine in '09!
tpompa1109:karriann what is your twitter id, I think I missed it
SmartWomanRadio:right, Micheal!
@ProfCarol:Sandra, I'm in the same boat. I hope Peeps will be patient with me as I catch up!
freebieprincess:Hi CarltonZone!
CarltonZone:THANK YOU KARRIANNE! You are Awesome!
Daniel M. Clark:http://www.twitter.com/danielmclark
silviamk:Happy 2009 to all!!!
Michael S. Copeland:Gonna Shine in 09!  Right!?
ChicCookie:http://www.twitter.com/chiccookie  mispelled before - interested in VA info
MarkRess:Hey Warren thanks for bringing everyone together and creating this synergy of givers. God bless U & Urs!!
deannatroupe:I like it Shine in '09!
KarriannGraf:http://twitter.com/karriangraf
LaTara:i really enjoyed this evening
allaboutenergy1:Love you warren! You are the Pied Piper of Twitter!!
Donna Fox:Great show timing, Warren.  You're a pro!
Teresa Lydon:Together Everyone Achieves More!
SandraSchubert:@ProfCarol it a lot of fun work
CarltonZone:LOL DANIEL! I'm already following you
deannatroupe:One more time, I'm at http://www.twitter.com/deannatroupe
Teri Dempski:Thanks, Warren!
tpompa1109:Karriann, got it, thanks
WhoIsHenry.com:Everyone start clapping for Warren. !!!!!
deannatroupe:Peace out.
MaryKW: Thanks Warren

freebieprincess:Hi CarltonZone!
CarltonZone:THANK YOU KARRIANNE! You are Awesome!
Daniel M. Clark:http://www.twitter.com/danielmclark
silviamk:Happy 2009 to all!!!
Michael S. Copeland:Gonna Shine in 09!  Right!?
ChicCookie:http://www.twitter.com/chiccookie  mispelled before - interested in VA info
MarkRess:Hey Warren thanks for bringing everyone together and creating this synergy of givers. God bless U & Urs!!
deannatroupe:I like it Shine in '09!
KarriannGraf:http://twitter.com/karriangraf
LaTara:i really enjoyed this evening
allaboutenergy1:Love you warren! You are the Pied Piper of Twitter!!
Donna Fox:Great show timing, Warren.  You're a pro!
Teresa Lydon:Together Everyone Achieves More!
SandraSchubert:@ProfCarol it a lot of fun work
CarltonZone:LOL DANIEL! I'm already following you
deannatroupe:One more time, I'm at http://www.twitter.com/deannatroupe
Teri Dempski:Thanks, Warren!
tpompa1109:Karriann, got it, thanks
WhoIsHenry.com:Everyone start clapping for Warren. !!!!!
deannatroupe:Peace out.
FitBizWoman:Yay, thanks Warren!
ClayFranklin:clap clap clap
freebieprincess:Thanks!
Hans Looman:clapclapclap
deannatroupe:I've got so much to catch up on.
MichaelAbrams:clap clap clap
SmartWomanRadio:clap clap clap
CarltonZone:phwew. time to breathe
Sandy_W:clap, clap, clap
Michael S. Copeland:http://twitter.com/mscopeland
suzhoutch:tweet with you all soon
remarkablogger:clap clap clap1
AprilTara:I couldn't keep up with chat so if you said something to me and I missed it, @ me or DM me on Twitter
Daniel M. Clark:great show warren
Potential Extractors:check out the Shine In 09 call recordings from @successfool
SandraSchubert:OK lets all hold hands now
Teresa Lydon:Thank you Warren!:)
@ProfCarol:*applause*
@FeliciaSlattery:standing ovation
CarltonZone:DEEP BREATH INNNNNNN....
KarriannGraf:topompp I missed yours too
silviamk:clap, clap
PerfectoVirViri:Thabk you all. Tweet yousoon.
CarltonZone:deep breath ouwwwwt
MarlaBosworth:woot
freebieprincess:group hug
ClayFranklin:http://twitter.com/ClayFranklin
MarkRess:http://www.twitter.com/markress
WhoIsHenry.com:clap clap
CarltonZone:woot
CarltonZone:huggy
CarltonZone:wuggy
BadDog:http://twitter.com/baddogcrew
jantallent:thanks, Warren
Daniel M. Clark:okay, poker time - freeroll at full tilt :D
JoselinMane:http://twitter.com/JoselinMane
Michael S. Copeland:clap clap.. Wooo Wooooo
silviamk:bye!
Mark - FDI:woohoo
CarltonZone:Bad dog! baad dog! hehe
remarkablogger:YOU CAN DOUBLE CLICK TO PUT THE CHAT TEXT ON YOUR CLIPBOARD THEN PASTE IT INTO WORD
@WarrenWhitlock:this was the best TwitCast we've had all year
@WarrenWhitlock:thanks
ClayFranklin:hi Dona see you next week :-)
CarltonZone:O! thank you REMARKABLOGGER

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January 1, 2009

Note to twitter friends - 2009 Contract

2009 Contract
After serious & cautious consideration . . .
Your contract of friendship has been renewed for the New Year 2009!
It was a very hard decision to make. So try not to screw it up!!!

My Wish for You in 2009:

May peace break into your house and may thieves come to steal your
debts. May the pockets of your jeans become a magnet of $100 bills.
May love stick to your face like Vaseline and may laughter assault
your lips! May your clothes smell of success like smoking tires and
may happiness slap you across the face and may your tears be that of
joy. May the problems you had forget your home address! In simple
words . . . May 2009 be the best year of your life!!!

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December 30, 2008

Calvin's Snowmen

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December 5, 2008

Better than a Flu Shot - (really cute)

Better than a Flu Shot!


The church organist, Was in her eighties
And had never been married. She was admired for her sweetness


And kindness to all.


One afternoon the pastor
Came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room.

She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ,
The young minister Noticed a cut glass bowl Sitting on top of it.


The bowl was filled With water, and in the water Floated,
of all things, a condom!

When she returned With tea and scones,
They began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity

About the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist.

'Miss Beatrice', he said,

'I wonder if you would tell me about this?'

Pointing to the bowl.

'Oh, yes,' she replied, 'Isn't it wonderful?

I was walking through
The Park a few months ago
And I found this little package On the ground.
The directions said

To place it on the organ,

Keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease. Do you know I haven't had the flu All winter.'

~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

If you don't send this

To five GOOD friends

Right away

There will be

Five fewer people Smiling in the world and more flu...too.
--Mary K

¸..· ´¨¨)) -:¦:-
¸.·´ .·´¨¨))
((¸¸.·´ ..·´ -:¦:-
-:¦:- ((¸¸.·´* Light

EXPECT MIRACLES!
http://YouMakeItUp.com

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November 30, 2008

Could You Graduate 8th Grade in 1895?

What has happened to our education system?

Could You Graduate 8th Grade in 1895? Read on.



 
Remember when our grandparents, great-grandparents, and such stated
that they only had an 8th grade education?
Well, check this out.  - - -

Could any of us have passed the 8th grade in 1895? This is the
eighth-grade final exam from 1895 in Salina, KS, USA. It was taken
from the original document on file at the Smokey Valley Genealogical
Society and Library in Salina, KS, and reprinted by the Salina Journal.

8th GRADE FINAL EXAM

Grammar (Time, one hour)
1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no  Modifications.
3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of  lie, lay and run.
5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at  
50 cts/bushel, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary
levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104  for incidentals?
5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $20  per meter?
8 Find bank discount on $300 for! 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance
around which is 640 rods?
10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U. S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
1. Give the epochs into which U. S. History is divided.
2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln,  Penn, and Howe?
8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, 1865.

Orthography (Time, one hour)
1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic, orthography, etymology, syllabication?
2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, sub
vocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e.' Name two  
exceptions under each rule.
6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word:  bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, sup.
8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: card, ball, mercy, sir, odd,cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
9. Use the following correctly in sentences: cite, site, sight, fane,
fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
4. Describe the mountains of North America.
5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver,
Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fernandez, Aspinwall & Orinoco.
6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
7. Name all the republics of Europe and give the capital of each.
8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give the inclination of the earth.



Also notice that the exam took five hours to complete.
 

Gives the saying "she/he only had an 8th grade education" a whole new meaning, doesn't it?

What happened to us????  

It is kind of humbling, isn't it ??

No wonder they did so well!!!

 

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November 24, 2008

Spectacular Conjunction

Spectacular Conjunction

 11.24.2008

en español
-->  

Nov. 24, 2008: This story ends with the best sky show of the year--a spectacular three-way conjunction of Venus, Jupiter and the crescent Moon.

It begins tonight with a sunset stroll.

At the end of the day, when the horizon is turning red and the zenith is cobalt-blue, step outside and look southwest. You'll see Venus and Jupiter beaming side-by-side through the twilight. Glittering Venus is absolutely brilliant and Jupiter is nearly as bright as Venus. Together, they're dynamite:

Above: Venus and Jupiter converging over Hawaii on Nov. 19, 2008. Photo credit and copyright: Stephen O'Meara. [Larger image]

Add another stick of TNT and voila!—it's tomorrow. Go outside at the same time and look again. You’ll be amazed at how much the Venus-Jupiter gap has closed. The two planets are converging, not in the slow motion typical of heavenly phenomena, but in a headlong rush—almost a full degree (two full Moon widths) per night. As the gap shrinks, the beauty increases.


Sign up for EXPRESS SCIENCE NEWS delivery
On Nov. 29th (sky map) the two planets will be less than 3 degrees apart and you'll think to yourself "surely it can't get any better than this."

And then it will. On Nov. 30th (sky map) a slender 10% crescent Moon leaps up from the horizon to join the show. The delicate crescent hovering just below Venus-Jupiter will have cameras clicking around the world.

Dec. 1st (sky map) is the best night of all. The now-15% crescent Moon moves in closer to form an isosceles triangle with Venus and Jupiter as opposing vertices. The three brightest objects in the night sky will be gathered so tightly together, you can hide them all behind your thumb held at arm's length.

The celestial triangle will be visible from all parts of the world, even from light-polluted cities. People in New York and Hong Kong will see it just as clearly as astronomers watching from remote mountaintops. Only cloudy weather or a midnight sun (sorry Antarctica!) can spoil the show.

Although you can see the triangle with naked eyes--indeed, you can't miss it—a small telescope will make the evening even more enjoyable. In one quick triangular sweep, you can see the moons and cloud-belts of Jupiter, the gibbous phase of Venus (69% full), and craters and mountains on the Moon. It's a Grand Tour you won't soon forget.

Right: A sky map of the triple conjunction on Dec. 1, 2008. More maps: Nov. 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, Dec. 1 2008.

Finally, look up from the eyepiece and run your eyes across the Moon. Do you see a ghostly image of the full Moon inside the bright horns of the crescent? That's called "Earthshine" or sometimes "the da Vinci glow" because Leonardo da Vinci was the first person to explain it: Sunlight hits Earth and ricochets to the Moon, casting a sheen of light across the dark lunar terrain.

By itself, a crescent Moon with Earthshine is one of the loveliest sights in the heavens. Add Venus and Jupiter and … well ... it's time to stop reading and go mark your calendar:

Dec. 1st @ sunset: Sky show of the year!
http://science.nasa.gov/headlines/y2008/24nov_skyshow.htm?list840537

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November 2, 2008

Fawn uses doggy door

Guess Who's Coming To Dinner?
 
A fawn followed this beagle home -- right through the doggie door -- in the Bittinger area.  The owner came home to find the visitor had made himself right at home.

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October 30, 2008

'O My Neighbor's Jack-O Display [:-]-|-

Each Year Family, Friends and Neighbors joined together to draw a crowd
to raise money for the local Food Shelves at Halloween. This years display
is a few short of last... but it sure has HEART! (And LOTS of Jack-o-lanterns!)
Enjoy!











And SO MANY MORE!!!!


HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

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